G did great - she is riding just fine, but has trouble still starting the bike and needs a tiny push. We'll practice more today and I think she'll get it fine :)
Miss A was another story. We bought her a new bike a few days ago, so she wouldn't be left out of all the fun. She had previously been riding a big wheel type vehicle. She was excited about her new bike. She was looking forward to riding it, and understood that we were taking G's training wheels off today....or so we thought.
The event pushed all her "buttons". First of all, both Wood and I were paying almost exclusive attention to G. That triggered all her insecurities. We were both on either side of G, so A was left to ride her bike (which had training wheels) herself. We explained how G needed us because she had no training wheels to hold her up, but all A saw was that we obviously loved G more and she was all alone. Although this issue has gotten substantially better since our first year as a family, I realized how much we still manipulate situations to ensure that this never happens. And that really isn't fair to G. Sometimes, the attention DOES go all to one child - that's life. Sometimes it will be her, sometimes it will be a sibling - it depends on their needs.
So A stopped riding her bike, and began to pout and sulk. Which really irritated Wood and me, and we became short with her. Which only made the situation worse. She started tipping her bike on purpose or riding it into things, just to get attention. And crying. And bringing up every injustice that she could think of, involving either us or her schoolmates. Finally, I took her off her bike, put it back into the car, and told her that until she could behave, she couldn't ride. How's that for compassionate? G always get the short end of the stick because she can "handle it", but this time, it WAS about G.
So now I'm guilt ridden and feel like just a terrible mother. I was trying to rationalize with a 4 year old about the times when we spent time exclusively with her, and this was G's turn. But it was all about emotions and feelings for her, not about reason. And I really dealt with it with MY emotion, and not very effectively.
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2 comments:
Well, whatever you are it is NOT a terrible mother! Honestly, I think it is good you both focused on G. I know families where focusing too much on the struggling child eventually causes trouble with the one who was "normal". Such a tight rope to walk.... *sigh* Parenting children who have been hurt and traumatized isn't for sissies is it?
I understand why you might feel badly but you are not a terrible mother, not by a long shot. G. needs that attention sometimes, too. And it's hard not to react with emotion, when you're being given such a dose of it back.
Hopefully in time, A. will come to realize that whether she is in the spotlight or a little to the side, she is loved and treasured all the time.
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