Thursday, January 31, 2008
Then, he tells me that he thinks I've been reading too much, and have too many options in front of me, that I need to go back to the local surgeon and reconsider having the mastectomies done here. That I'm giving myself unecessary anxiety. Ok, you've just signed me up for 3 significant and major surgeries and you think I have unecessary anxiety????? I just don't think they hear me. I'd bet he'd ask questions too, if it were his life, his surgery.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Please keep this family in your thoughts and prayers. They have been through so much. As I've recently found out, getting specialized treatment in the UP is challenging, to say the least. They must travel to Wisconsin to get treatment for David. Here's a link to David's Caringbridge site:
Thanks for all the prayers and thoughts for our family. They are greatly appreciated. I'm finally fully recovered from my latest surgical procedure and starting to feel more positive. I see my dr tomorrow.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
We are all moved, and the essentials are unpacked. I have curtains in all three of the bedrooms as of last night, so I'm considering us more or less "settled in". The dynamic duo seems to LOVE being in a smaller house, so many of my fears there were unfounded. We've had some exciting adventures - gas leak, electrical short (only when you used the microwave AND lights at the same time, though)
I'm not immensely talkative about myself at the moment. I am looking towards some pretty major surgery, which at this point I'm not inclined to have up here. I'm searching outwards - Marshfield, Detroit Metro area, Milwaukee or Minnesota. It's hard for me to focus on it, however - or anything. I don't want to think about work - I just want to stay home with my family, set up my new home and let the world pass me by for awhile.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
Trust me on this one.
Off to the paint store today. Now I need to get at least one of the two rooms painted prior to move it. If I get it done today, it would be much easier without the furniture and beds in the room. Is one coat paint REALLY one coat? And to find exactly, WHICH boxes I packed my painting supplies into! Painting isn't considered lifting, right?
Friday, January 11, 2008
There was a SLIM chance that my biopsy results would be available after 4pm today. I called my dr's office at 3:55pm, and got the recording that the office is closed after 3:30pm on Friday. Oh well, I tried. But my outlook is more positive, and no matter what, we'll get through this. I'll try again for the results first thing monday morning.
Finishing up packing the boxes that need to be moved tomorrow. We got the keys to the new place early this evening. When we took the girls over to drop off some stuff, Daddy had hung a jungle print shower curtain in the main bathroom along with some really fun Lion and Monkey towels. The girls thought that was sooo cool and everyone is really picking up excitement about the move. Some folks who work for me are coming over in the morning to move boxes, and big sister M is spending the night tonight and will serve as babysitter extrodinaire. When M spends the night, we stay up late and watch Law and Order reruns. I love it.
We will not be moving the majority of our furniture until the 17th, when we close on our current home. And the new house has no appliances, which are being delivered on the 17th as well. So we have a few days to move all the smaller stuff.
Wish us luck!
Thursday, January 10, 2008
I'm sore beyond belief - the radiologist really had to use a LOT of pressure to get back to the chest wall for the biopsies, and I had two, instead of the usual one biopsy. I really didn't expect to feel this sore and beat up.
I feel great relief to have it behind me. I was told IF the results are not cancer, then I will need to have a follow up MRI shortly, then another one a few months after that to make sure that it is indeed benign. Which makes me wonder how comfortable they are with getting a benign pathology report. Or perhaps it was just that the area was so hard to get to, that their is a higher than normal possibility that they actually missed the area? They did leave several microclips behind to accurately mark the areas that they did biopsy.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Since I traveled to Ethiopia during the time of the riots in Nov 2005, there was no opportunity to travel. Heck, they didn't even let us out of the compound for any reason for security reasons. When I read about people's trips these days, it doesn't even remotely resemble my experience. Would I travel again, during those times? Heck yes. I was so fearful that due to the political unrest that the country would shut down, with my daughter left behind.
This was made crystal clear to me during the following experience. The traveling families that week had to register with the US embassy as to our identities, location, and emergency contact info. In case things really hit the fan over there, they would help us leave the country. My daughter too, right? No, they informed me, she wasn't a US citizen. My husband, at home with the kids, was immediately freaked out by this revelation. Because he know that I would never leave Ethiopia without my daughter, no matter what.
So there was no opportunity to meet A's birth family. Which some of you know, I had no idea existed at the time, as our referral information was incorrect. But I wonder if her family thinks we CHOSE not to meet them. Surely they don't know WHEN I traveled to Ethiopia. Do they think, seeing all the families travel south to meet birth families before and since that we didn't want to meet them? We have exchanged letters once, through our agencies Post Adoptive services, after I did an independent search for information, that was later corroborated by our agency. But I still wonder what they think about not meeting us.
As excited as I am to have this opportunity to have more contact with A's birthfamily, it puts my own situation into perspective. No matter how bad things get, I've never had to lose a child, live day to day without knowing how they are doing. I have many, many blessings in my life, for which I am very grateful.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Woods insurance expired on December 31st. I changed to our insurance at my work (definitely not as good), and it's effective Jan 1, however, it's still not showing that the coverage is active. I'm concerned that the hospital won't do the procedure on Thursday if they think I don't have insurance. I also don't have the certificate of creditable coverage from our old insurance. My new insurance can exclude any pre-existing conditions unless I can prove I've had continous coverage for the past 18 months. It would definitely be preexisting as I had the previous testing done on December 31st. Woods workplace isn't too interested in getting this to me anytime soon. Keeping my fingers crossed that the paperwork all goes through.
Sunday, January 6, 2008
I find myself drawn again and again to the Psalms. The voices of the faithful, bringing their praises, thanks, hurts and grief honestly and openly before God really speaks to me right now. They are a cry to God from distress, pain or sorrow. In the midst of their pain, they can still affirm their faith in God. I'm so struggling with fear and anxiety right now. 4 more days of waiting until the biopsies.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
So overwhelming though. I feel like pulling the covers back over my head and going back to bed. I'm having a hard time motivating myself to pack.
I have some pics of our new house:
It's not a bad little house - it's just not this one. It a 70's house, like this one (note the dark cabinets, dark wood railing and yes, it's a tri level). Actually, I've grown fond of the multi-level house - we currently live in a quad level. And there are no appliances (except an ancient dishwasher), no curtains, curtain rods, shower curtain rods, towel bars, etc. Apparently they were horrible and removed in order to sell the house. So I have a lot of work to do, but the upside is it's a fresh slate. The guy who fixed it up to sell let his wife pick the color for the front door and shutters. I'm SOOO not into the purple!
Friday, January 4, 2008
Wonder what certain workplaces thought of our family on the front cover of the paper
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I've now googled every single MRI breast biopsy site on the internet. I don't know what more I'm looking for - how about that one, elusive piece of information that would make me say "see, that doesn't fit. It COULDN'T be cancer". Darn, havn't found it yet.
A few days after the procedure, we can start to move into our new house. We don't actually close on the house until the 17th, but the current owner is being sooo kind as to let us have a few extra days. What a blessing. The folks who are buying this house are in a big hurry to get in. This house is looking more like a warehouse of boxes, and less like a home. I walk down the hall and wonder what looks so strange - oh, right, the pictures are missing off the walls. I will miss this house.
Because I'm having multiple biopsies, I'm not supposed to lift heavy objects for a few days. Hopefully 48 hours counts as "a few days" because we have a LOT of boxes. Moving is sooo much work. The little girls don't make it easier - what a surprise.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Finally, at 3pm, Dr. S calls me. From home. He explains that they found/confirmed 3areas that are highly suspicious. They were not on last years films. They are NOT cysts - the MRI can tell that, apparently. I'm now scheduled for MRI guided biopsies of all three areas. Did I mention that there are three?
I've never even heard of an MRI guided biopsy. For those of you who haven't had the occasion to have an MRI, it's a small, claustrophobia inducing tube, much like a coffin. You lie in the tiny, tiny tube listening to extremely loud clanking and banging noises. How in the world can they do a biopsy in an MRI? My dr was unfamiliar with all the details - he says it's relatively new. I've since looked it up on the internet, and while I'm reassured that it can be an effective way of performing a biopsy without major surgery, I'm still quite foggy on the details.
My dr emphasized that the areas are small. Even if they are malignant, that it's been caught early. If they don't get satisfactory results or are unable to get to each area for a good biopsy, then I will need surgery.
Shortly after I got off the phone with him, the hospital was calling to schedule the procedure. It's set up for next week.
And so we wait.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
I'll be on the phone first thing tomorrow am to my dr's office. Unfortunately, we are expecting 10"-14" of snow starting today and going through tonight, which could throw a wrench into everything as well. I got a ton of bloodwork done and need those results as well.
As for our New Years, after watching Antz with the girl last night on TV, I fell asleep in front of Law and Order reruns at around 10:30pm. I had been up since 5am and was terribly anxious all day yesterday and was just physically and mentally exhausted.
Today, I will distract myself (ha, like that's possible) with packing up my son B's room. B is 18 didn't come home for Christmas this year - he is in California visiting relatives. He left me in charge of packing up his room - trusting fellow, isn't he? He keeps everything - including presents he got when he was 7 or 8 years old. Some things he keeps are quite sweet - his preschool graduation sign, the teddy bear quilt I made him when he was a baby. Having only 3 sisters myself, I didn't know boys were so sentimental. We'll see him in a few weeks as we have to go downstate at the end of January.
I'll post again tomorrow.