Babies....

A has always been quite reserved around babies. She is loving and kind to other children, animals, and her stuffed animals. But babies are another story. She usually is quite unhappy around them. She seems, in part, jealous and longing of the nuturing that she sees them getting. She lost that at a time in her life when she desperately needed that intimate nurturing, but wasn't able to receive it. But she also seems to be unhappy that part of her wants and needs what the babies are receiving. She doesn't like feeling small, needy and vulnerable - she seems to view it as a defect in herself.

When we were in Milwaukee, she watched a mother and small infant in the pool for a long time. When they left the pool, she turned to me. "mommy, when I'm big, will you still love me?"

Yes, baby girl, as long as I have breath in my body. Oh how I wish I could make you believe it, deep down in your soul.