A has always been quite reserved around babies. She is loving and kind to other children, animals, and her stuffed animals. But babies are another story. She usually is quite unhappy around them. She seems, in part, jealous and longing of the nuturing that she sees them getting. She lost that at a time in her life when she desperately needed that intimate nurturing, but wasn't able to receive it. But she also seems to be unhappy that part of her wants and needs what the babies are receiving. She doesn't like feeling small, needy and vulnerable - she seems to view it as a defect in herself.
When we were in Milwaukee, she watched a mother and small infant in the pool for a long time. When they left the pool, she turned to me. "mommy, when I'm big, will you still love me?"
Yes, baby girl, as long as I have breath in my body. Oh how I wish I could make you believe it, deep down in your soul.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
Madison zoo
We visit zoos everywhere we go. Wood's brother, sister-in-law and the girl's cousin Claire took us to the zoo in Madison, Wisconsin. A great time was had by all!
Cute as a button polar bear cub, don't you think??
Another adorable cub.....
Sitting on a giant tortoise - G doesn't look so sure about this one!
Too cool for words...
With our cousin Claire.
The dynamic duo as dinosaurs!
With Daddy!
Don't we just shout "Tourists!!" in this one?
Cute as a button polar bear cub, don't you think??
Another adorable cub.....
Sitting on a giant tortoise - G doesn't look so sure about this one!
Too cool for words...
With our cousin Claire.
The dynamic duo as dinosaurs!
With Daddy!
Don't we just shout "Tourists!!" in this one?
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Children's hospital of Milwaukee
Waiting....
More waiting.....
Still more waiting.....
G's appt was yesterday. It was exhausting. We ended up spending most of the day there. We arrived an hour early for our 10:50 am appt, and when they took us immediately, we were so pleased that we would get an early start on our trip home.
The doctor was not pleased with how G has been doing. He said it was "totally unacceptable". He started her on a treatment for acid reflux. G was treated as an infant for reflux, and she has started describing symptoms to us that are consistant with a recurrance of this issue. He also changed her from her nebulized form of Pulmicort to the inhaled version - on a VERY high dose - an adult dose. This scares me to have her on so much steriods. Also, we just had her previous form of Pulmicort refilled for a 3 month supply, which costs us over $200. Now he doesn't want us to use it at all. That hurts. G's medications cost us hundreds of dollars a month and to have over $200 of brand new medication sit unused.....
He ordered many tests while we were there, and we spent the ENTIRE day getting everything done.....labs, radiology, respiratory testing, etc. I of course, looked all the tests up on the internet last night, and some of the things that they identify are scary - cancer, immune system problems...did I mention cancer?
He told us that there is a growing group of children who test high on tests for CF, who don't seem to have full blown CF, but have many similar problems and do rather poorly overall. He told us that the long term prognosis for these kids is not clear.
We should have all her test results back in about 10 really, really long days.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Racism
My paradox for the day...how can someone proclaim themselves Christian yet be overtly racist?
Racism is one of the great contradictions of the Gospel in modern times. I have come to believe that those who do not oppose racism publicly and rigorously are actually part of the problem and can contribute to further injustice. No one can be neutral or silent in the face of this great evil.
Through my daughter's adoption we have become much more aware of the passive (and some not so passive) racism that exists everywhere. We are being called more and more to be more actively anti-racist in our lives and actions. I feel so unqualified for this task, yet would do anything for my children. God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called.
Racism is one of the great contradictions of the Gospel in modern times. I have come to believe that those who do not oppose racism publicly and rigorously are actually part of the problem and can contribute to further injustice. No one can be neutral or silent in the face of this great evil.
Through my daughter's adoption we have become much more aware of the passive (and some not so passive) racism that exists everywhere. We are being called more and more to be more actively anti-racist in our lives and actions. I feel so unqualified for this task, yet would do anything for my children. God doesn't call the qualified, but qualifies the called.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Posting at last.....
We really didn't fall off the face of the earth....really.
- Wood is still looking for work and is a top contender for a really good position. Pray that he gets this job - this has been a really difficult time for us.
- Much to my doctor's dismay, I had a less radical surgery than the bi-lateral mastectomy. I may have the big surgery later this summer - especially if Wood gets the job.
- We are all settled into our new house. I really like it, but there are a few issues:
1. It's ugly from the outside. Really ugly. My older daughter tells her friends it's the house that looks like a martini olive. It's an odd shade of green with a redish purple colored front door and shutters. And it seriously needs to be sided.
2. The house is COLD in the winter. Really, Really cold. We live in an area where this is significant. It was only 40 degrees today, and it's May 12th. We're still wearing winter coats. We can't plant flowers until early June due to frost. When you have 9 months of winter, keeping warm is very important. It gets too hot on the main floor of the house (it's a tri-level) where the bedrooms are, and it's freezing everywhere else. The livingroom, dining room and kitchen are above the garage, so we get the added bonus of having the floor be freezing as well as the rest of the room. We apparently don't have enough air returns, and it's affecting how the heat circulates. It won't be cheap to fix. We're looking at adding insulation and eventually we probably need to put a gas fireplace in the basement for supplemental heat.
3. Our home is the highest on our street, and we have a breath taking view of Lake Superior from our living room window. The Lake is about a mile from our home. The sun rising or setting is just stunning. However, that means my house is on a hill. Our yard isn't level anywhere....and is just the perfect angle that when the kids throw or kick a ball, it immediately rolls down the hill into a neighbors yard, or into the street. We need a fence.
Other than those issues, it's a great layout, perfect size, and meets our needs.
- We're off to Children's hospital this week for G's appt. She has pneumonia once this winter, bringing it to 3 times in the past 18 months. She's missed considerably less school this year, but we're still having issues. She's on 4 daily meds to control symptoms. She seems to have developed acid reflux and is also having other digestive issues. She has grown, but not much. She will be 6 in a month, and weighs 36 pounds, wears a size 5T and toddler size 10 shoes. It was shocking to see her with her peers at the Mother's day performance her class did last Friday. She is so tiny compared to them. However, she's reading at a third grade level (not bad for a kindergartener!), received a Christian leadership award this year, and seems to have more energy than she used to. I will take my blessings as they come.
I will post some pics soon, and it won't be as long until I post again...I promise.
- Wood is still looking for work and is a top contender for a really good position. Pray that he gets this job - this has been a really difficult time for us.
- Much to my doctor's dismay, I had a less radical surgery than the bi-lateral mastectomy. I may have the big surgery later this summer - especially if Wood gets the job.
- We are all settled into our new house. I really like it, but there are a few issues:
1. It's ugly from the outside. Really ugly. My older daughter tells her friends it's the house that looks like a martini olive. It's an odd shade of green with a redish purple colored front door and shutters. And it seriously needs to be sided.
2. The house is COLD in the winter. Really, Really cold. We live in an area where this is significant. It was only 40 degrees today, and it's May 12th. We're still wearing winter coats. We can't plant flowers until early June due to frost. When you have 9 months of winter, keeping warm is very important. It gets too hot on the main floor of the house (it's a tri-level) where the bedrooms are, and it's freezing everywhere else. The livingroom, dining room and kitchen are above the garage, so we get the added bonus of having the floor be freezing as well as the rest of the room. We apparently don't have enough air returns, and it's affecting how the heat circulates. It won't be cheap to fix. We're looking at adding insulation and eventually we probably need to put a gas fireplace in the basement for supplemental heat.
3. Our home is the highest on our street, and we have a breath taking view of Lake Superior from our living room window. The Lake is about a mile from our home. The sun rising or setting is just stunning. However, that means my house is on a hill. Our yard isn't level anywhere....and is just the perfect angle that when the kids throw or kick a ball, it immediately rolls down the hill into a neighbors yard, or into the street. We need a fence.
Other than those issues, it's a great layout, perfect size, and meets our needs.
- We're off to Children's hospital this week for G's appt. She has pneumonia once this winter, bringing it to 3 times in the past 18 months. She's missed considerably less school this year, but we're still having issues. She's on 4 daily meds to control symptoms. She seems to have developed acid reflux and is also having other digestive issues. She has grown, but not much. She will be 6 in a month, and weighs 36 pounds, wears a size 5T and toddler size 10 shoes. It was shocking to see her with her peers at the Mother's day performance her class did last Friday. She is so tiny compared to them. However, she's reading at a third grade level (not bad for a kindergartener!), received a Christian leadership award this year, and seems to have more energy than she used to. I will take my blessings as they come.
I will post some pics soon, and it won't be as long until I post again...I promise.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Mother's day - bittersweet
When I look at her,
I see you.
When her eyes twinkle,
I see your eyes
When I brush her hair,
I think of your curls
Your love for her made her part of me
And she will forever be a part of you.
Thinking of you today.....and everyday.
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